This doesn't happen to Ronon
by BSBIlseD
Summary: Ronon gets hurt, badly, and then Rodney drops him, from a height.  Will he survive?  And will Rodney for that matter? - COMPLETED
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It is not supposed to be him. This only happens to McKay or Sheppard, not him.

But Ronon could not stop his body from tumbling down in a heap at the foot of the ramp.

The encounter had gone well up until the moment Rodney had sneezed. All of a sudden the whole tribe was chasing them, wanting to sacrifice them to whatever deity they worshipped on this planet, in this village.

Ronon had pushed McKay on, not wanting the scientist to get hurt again. Sheppard made it to the jumper, opened the hatch and was already seated before the rest of his team made it to the ramp.

One more look behind him told Ronon the villagers were close. He spotted the spear too late. Or just in time, all depends on how you look at it. The weapon was thrown with full force, aiming directly at McKay. With a last effort, Ronon had pushed McKay inside the jumper just as the offending item planted itself firmly into his back.

The shock going through his body stopped him dead in his tracks. He had endured a lot of pain but nothing like this.

'Ronon!' he heard McKay shout just before the world disappeared.

McKay had turned around, fully intent on giving his team mate a serious scolding for pushing him so hard, only to notice his friend falling short of the jumper. He could already feel the jumper starting to lift, his warning cries to Sheppard falling on deaf ears. McKay went down on his knees, just able to grab Ronon's hand but in the process slowly starting to slip down the ramp.

'Sheppard!' He shouted again. This time Teyla looked back. The jumper had gained speed already, trying to reach the gate. John now looked back. His next thoughts made the jumper stop dead. The machine made an immediate nosedive which John only just managed to pull out of.

'I can't hold him!' McKay shouted desperately. And as Sheppard levelled the jumper, Rodney came crashing into the hold, eyes wide as he looked up at Teyla.

'I lost him!' he nearly whispered, unable to believe he had let go. Sheppard immediately turned the jumper, surveying where Ronon might have fallen. But the trees were too close together. He had to find a clearing to land, and fast!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The blackout had lasted only moments. Ronon felt his hand being grabbed by Rodney. With difficulty he looked up, only to see the scientist struggle against his weight and the ever increasing speed.

Ronon knew if he didn't let go, Rodney would fall out. And that would be no good for either of them. He needed the scientist's knowledge to find him, where he would land, to get him back to Atlantis as quickly as possible.

With a last effort, he pulled his hand free from the remarkable strong hold McKay had on him. His legs were just touching the top of the trees. His fall would be broken. At least that's what he counted on.

The spear still lodged in his back prevented him from turning around to brace himself against the branches. He was completely helpless as he first went through the foliage, then the thinner branches and then some thick branches to finally plummet hard against the forest floor. The spear planted itself in the soft undergrowth and effectively pinning Ronon on it as the spearhead pushed through his chest and out the front.

Ronon's loud scream reverberated through the now still forest.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

'Rodney! How could you!' Sheppard shouted.

'It's not like I intended to drop him. I just couldn't hold him.' Rodney defended himself but inside he was shouting the same accusing words to himself. Why hadn't he held on better to Ronon? If the roles had been reversed, Ronon would not have dropped him.

He sat quietly in the hold, looking at the floor in front of him, replaying the moment he felt Ronon slip through his hands over and over again.

John grumbled. Inside he knew he could not blame Rodney. If anything, he should have made sure everyone was inside before taking off.

He spotted a small clearing for landing. As soon as the jumper hit the ground, he got up, reattached his P90 and walked out. Teyla followed but Rodney just sat down. John noticed he wasn't following and turned on his heels.

'Come on, Rodney. Get yourself moving. With a bit of luck he fell through the trees without too much damage. Ronon is strong.'

Finally Rodney looked up at John.

'He . . . ' he hesitated.

'He wat?' Sheppard was fast losing his patience.

'Ronon got hit.' Rodney said still stunned.

'What do you mean he got hit?' John started to shout.

Rodney got up and started to pack things together as quickly as he could.

'Rodney?' That threatening tone Sheppard used on him, usually made Rodney stop. But not this time. So he tried again.

'Rodney!' he shouted a little shorter.

Finally Rodney turned to him, hands filled with bandages.

'Ronon got hit by a spear. . . . in his back.'

Sheppard swallowed hard. Different scenarios playing out in his mind, none of them betraying the anxiety he felt for his friend.

'Let's move out.' And with that John turned and started walking in the direction they had come from.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Ronon didn't know how long he had been out. Slowly he opened his eyes. He was on the ground now. The spear had pushed nearly all the way through. And the weight of his body had made him slide down even further.

He couldn't stop the tears escaping as every breath he took was agony. He had to get this thing out of him. He firmly gripped the shaft of the spear with both hands and pulled up hard. But the weapon would not move, having sunk down deep enough into the forest floor.

Ronon lay still for a moment, the pain in his chest covering up anything else that might be wrong with him. He closed his eyes and mentally walked through his body.

Taking stock of his injuries he found his left foot was dangling at an unnatural angle, he had a deep gash in his left arm and oh yeah, a long spear sticking through his chest on the right side. Whatever internal injuries he had, he could not even begin to imagine.

He made up his mind: if he could not pull the rest of the spear through, he would have to break it off and lift his body of the weapon.

But not yet. Maybe his team would be here soon. I mean, there was no rush. He could not hear anyone still chasing them. So that was good. For a moment he would just lay still and wait.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The silence was almost unbearable to Rodney. John pressed ahead as fast as he could through the forest, Teyla only just being able to keep up with him and Rodney trotting behind.

'John!' she finally shouted to their leader for him to stop. He looked back only then noticing how far Rodney was behind. Teyla walked up to him.

'John, Rodney is very distressed.'

She didn't have to say it, he knew already. But for some reason he just became very frustrated with the scientist sometimes. And especially when one of them got hurt because of his actions, or in this case, lack of action.

'Go ahead.'

Teyla looked once more at the struggling Rodney and then took the lead.

'I know, I know. I'm holding you up.' Rodney knew Sheppard was in no mood but he could not go any faster. Rodney just pushed on passed the silent Sheppard, trying not to look into his eyes, or even show his own, not to betray his feelings.

'Rodney,' John started walking next to him. 'I'm sure Ronon will be ok.'

Rodney stopped walking and looked John in the face. Silently he sighed and started walking again, shaking his head. They would need to talk this out after their lost friend was back into the fold. For now, they just needed to keep walking.

John didn't often feel helpless but he didn't know how to handle the scientist now. Military people were so much easier, a word, a nod was often enough to tell a whole story. But he knew that didn't work for Rodney.

But Rodney would have to wait. He pulled out the life sign scanner to see if they were anywhere close to Ronon by now.

'Oh, crap!' was all he said when he noticed the distinct signal of one life sign surrounded by several others.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Ronon opened his eyes finding himself surrounded. Why hadn't he heard them coming? The forest had been so very quiet, no birds, not sound of leaves falling down or wind in the top of the trees. And now all of a sudden there they were. This could not be good.

He looked around at the angry faces. But no one moved. Ronon wanted to sit up but the spear effectively pinned him down. His gun lay useless a few meters away.

Finally one of the men approached, grabbing the spear with two hands. He said something but Ronon didn't hear him. Why didn't he hear him? What was he going to do?

Ronon stopped breathing as the man pulled the spear the rest of the way through. He must have screamed when it finally left his tormented body. But again he didn't hear his own voice. His last thought before blackness overtook was how useless he would now be to the team.

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'Run!' Sheppard had shouted to Teyla and Rodney. Ronon was not that far off but John didn't like the other life signs around his friend. So they ran, without complaining, jumping over falling tree trunks, through dense bushes only coming to a full stop when they heard an agonizing scream cut through their very bones.

'Ronon!' Rodney whispered, eyes panicking.

'This way!' John pushed them along. The different life signs were very close together now and moving away from their original location.

A few meters further, Sheppard reached the original drop zone. He found Ronon's gun and carefully put it in his backpack. He'd give that back to him today, he vowed in his head.

Teyla looked around for further clues. But it was McKay who stumbled upon the thrown away spear.

'Sheppard!' he shouted, pointing at the weapon.

The three friends stood around the blood covered item. None of them would say it but they all knew this had gone all the way through their friend's body.

'We need to find him, now!' Rodney turned and started walking again.

'Rodney, wait!' John ran after him.

'No!' McKay shouted angrily. 'No, I need to find him, I need to bring him home!'

'We all do, Rodney.'

'No, you don't understand. When I was ill, when I couldn't remember anything anymore . . . it was Ronon who made sure we got to the temple. He got me there to say goodbye, to give me back my dignity, even if only for one day. He's the reason I'm still alive today. I can't be the reason that he dies today.'

John sighed deeply. He knew that ever since that time, Rodney had seen Ronon differently letting him into his heart, under his skin.

'We'll find him, today, and bring him home.' John hoped he sounded more assured then he felt.

Rodney just nodded and together they followed the tracks left very visible for them to follow.

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_Hope you are enjoying the story. I love feedback!_


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Every step they took, distressed them more and more. Blood stained the ground they walked on, the bushes they passed. John began to wonder if any was left in Ronon's body or if his friend had passed away already.

They reached the edge of the small village again. There was no one around. Carefully and, to Rodney's feeling, far too slowly, they made their way to the centre where only a short while ago they had all shared a meal together. Sheppard lifted his fist and they all ducked down.

They could see the villagers standing in a circle. John slowly got up again and peered around the hut they were hiding behind.

'What do you see?' Rodney asked urgently. 'Is Ronon there? Is he alive?'

John didn't answer immediately. He did not trust his voice after seeing what the villagers had done.

In the middle of the circle, Ronon's hands had been tied and he was hung on a cross beam, his feet only just touching the ground. It was hard to see if he was conscious but John hoped he wasn't. They had torn off his shirt, the gaping wound of the spear standing out on his bare skin now covered in blood. More blood from a wound on his arm and John knew that foot was seriously broken, bone sticking through. Ronon's head was slumped forward.

The village elder walked up to Ronon, pulling his face up pulling on his long hair. John startled. Ronon was awake! But he could see in his friend's eye he would not be for long, his gaze unfixed and turned inward.

'Where is the other one?' The elder shouted to Ronon. Ronon just shook his head.

'Fine, then you will be sacrificed instead! Prepare him!'

'Oh, no!' John noticed too late that Rodney had come closer, seeing Ronon hanging there, the horrific wounds he had suffered and now the ultimate risk of losing his life. Rodney did not hesitate and sprinted forward through the ring of people, straight to Ronon. Using his knife he cut his friend down and gently lay him on the ground, cradling him in his arms.

'Ronon? Come on, buddy, talk to me.' He whispered. Rodney did not even notice he was now surrounded by weapons bearing villagers. But they held their distance for now, aware of the moment between friends.

John and Teyla also made their way through the people, weary what would happen next. When they reached the inner circle, they saw Rodney holding Ronon carefully, whispering but not getting any response. Ronon was looking very fragile and pale. John kneeled down and slipped his fingers under Ronon's jaw to feel for a sign of life. Withdrawing his fingers he touched Rodney to get his attention.

'He's alive.' The bewildered look Rodney gave him, made John wonder if he even heard what he said.

'Grab that man!' The village elder called to his men.

'Don't you dare move!' Rodney had grabbed his pistol and pointed it at the elder ready to fire should anyone come closer. Everyone stopped dead still. Rodney took a moment to make sure they were all listening.

'This man is my friend. He needs help. Now! So you are going to let us help him. If anyone dares to move, I will shoot your village elder.' Seeing no one moved, Rodney carefully slipped Ronon of his lap and stood up, grabbing the village elder and now holding the gun to his head.

'Teyla, help Ronon. Sheppard, get the jumper here now!' He gave his instructions without even looking at his team members.

John was torn. Rodney could not handle all of these people should they decide to call his bluff. On the other hand, he was not sure Rodney was bluffing. He had never seen the scientist react so extremely and violently.

'Teyla?' John looked at her for confirmation, asking if she would be ok while he was gone.

'Go, John. We will be ok.' She confirmed. Without hesitation, John turned and started running back through the forest to the jumper.

Completely out of breath he reached the vehicle and lifted it, aiming back toward the village and landing as close as possible to the houses.

By the time he returned, no one had moved. Rodney was still holding the gun to the elders head. Teyla had bandaged Ronon as good as possible but they were getting soaked quicker than she could replace them.

John had left his P90 in the jumper so he would have his hands free to carry Ronon back. Carefully he lifted the limp body with Teyla's help. They slowly walked to the jumper and soon had Ronon strapped in.

'Rodney, come on!' John shouted from within the jumper. But when he turned around to look out again, the jumper was surrounded and Rodney was nowhere to be seen.

'Rodney!' John shouted again.

The village elder stepped forward.

'Go home, John Sheppard. Take care of your friend.'

'What have you done to Rodney?'

Everyone just turned around and walked away without another word.

'John, we need to get Ronon to Atlantis urgently.'

Reluctantly John turned and closed the hatch, taking his seat and heading the jumper to the Stargate.

'Rodney, if you can hear me, I'll be back!' John quietly sent a message to his friend, hoping he could still hear him.

_TBC_


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

As soon as Sheppard had Ronon safely in the jumper, Rodney lowered the gun. Without words or even any noise, he was surrounded and walked to a building at the edge of the village. He heard Sheppard say he'd be right back as the jumper lifted and headed for the Stargate.

Rodney felt numb. He didn't have anything to say, anything to do. In the building they locked him in one of the rooms and left.

For the longest while he just stood there, lost and alone.

He closed his eyes, but Ronon's body immediately popped in his mind. And he really didn't want to see all those terrible wounds again. Wounds he was responsible for.

He had simply sneezed, not even a big sneeze, just a little one. They should hear Daniel Jackson when he got started. For a moment Rodney could not remember if Daniel still suffered as much from his hay fever since he had ascended and come back. Suddenly shaking his head he realised he was just stalling.

What would Sheppard do, or Teyla or Ronon? What did he always do? Just wait. He had never been able to escape from anything or anyone all by himself. It had always taken one of his team mates to get them out. He knew all too well he always claimed to be the one who had to rescue them. But honestly, his bit was just a part of what they did. They were a team, the four of them, each with their strengths, each bringing that bit that makes a team a whole.

What would they do now? Ronon would get better. Sheppard would try to get him out but the likelihood of him actually succeeding in that was very slim, if not to say none existing. Would they take Zalenka with them on their away missions? Would a new head of science be appointed? He could already see one of his competitors from Earth trying to weasel his way into the team.

'Well, not on my watch!' Rodney grumbled.

He hadn't saved Ronon to just be replaced. Again Rodney came to a halt. Had he saved Ronon? He had never seen his friend as hurt as he was now. The spear and then his foot. No he was not doing good. Well, if he wanted to find out, he had to get out first. Full of determination, he finally looked around the room, trying to think of what Sheppard or Ronon would look for.

He took a few minutes to carefully examine all the walls and the door. There was only a small window high up which he couldn't reach. Soon he had to admit there was no getting out of this room, not without some serious help.

Defeated, Rodney slumped to the floor, head in hands. He felt completely lost and alone.

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The flight to the Stargate was very short. Sheppard punched in the keys and followed them by his GDO code.

'Atlantis! Get medical to the jumper bay. We are coming back with injuries!'

He accelerated through the wormhole and soon reintegrated in Atlantis. Another few moments to dock at the jumper bay and the doors opened.

Jennifer was already waiting for them.

'My God, what happened?' She startled as she saw Ronon immobile, wrapped in bloody bandages.

She looked through the jumper.

'Where's Rodney?' Sheppard could hear the fear in her voice. He couldn't look at her.

'Still on the planet. We had to get Ronon back first.'

Silently Jennifer nodded, understanding there was more going on than John was saying. But now she had a patient to take care off. Her assistants had moved Ronon to the gurney and they rushed to the medical centre.

For a moment, Sheppard and Teyla just stood there, seeing their friend wheeled away.

'John, we need to talk to Sam.'

John nodded and walked with her, his mind still distracted. He knew he had to focus, get Rodney back as he had promised. Yet he couldn't get Ronon out of his head either. Never in all the years they had been together, had his friend been so wounded.

_TBC_

_Feedback is always appreciated!_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Hours seemed to pass before anything happened. Finally the door to his cell was opened. A girl walked in, not looking at him, offering a small bowl with some liquid in.

'Finally, some food! And is this all a condemned man gets? Don't I get a feast or a last wish or anything?'

But she didn't stay long to listen to Rodney's complaints. The door was locked again and Rodney stood in the middle of the room, some last rays of sun making their way through the small window. Soon it would be dark all over.

He looked at the broth he had been given. It smelled ok enough. He took a careful sip and then drank the lot as he noticed it wasn't bad at all. Too soon the soup came to an end. He was still hungry. Funny, how you could be hungry at a time like this. But then Rodney was always hungry. Had to be a coping mechanism he thought.

With the last of the light gone, he sat down and put his head on his pulled up knees.

He must have fallen asleep and not notice the door being opened. Someone pulled him up again. He could hardly open his eyes, his arms felt heavy and unresponsive. Someone was taking off his jacket. Then his t-shirt was pulled over his head. He wanted to stop whoever was undressing him. It would be cold and he so hated the cold. But his resisting hands were pushed away easily.

Someone now also pulled off his shoes and socks. Startled he noticed someone unzipping his trousers and pulling them down to his ankles. His boxers soon followed. His legs were lifted one after the other to remove the gathered clothes. His hands moved lower but no one seemed to notice his nudity or seemed to care.

And then they were all gone again. For a while, Rodney just stood there, not sure what to do next. He felt so tired now, his eyes were closing again and he no longer could open them. Slowly he slipped back down on the floor, curling up as the cold registered.

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Sheppard had made his report to Carter. Teyla waited patiently for Sam to agree they were to go back and rescue Rodney.

Lorne and his team were already waiting at the gate. But when Zalenka tried to call the planet, he could not get a lock.

'What is wrong?' Sheppard asked agitated.

'I don't know. Nothing wrong on this side.'

Zalenka tried again but without success.

'The gate may be in use. I'll keep trying. It is nothing on our end.'

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The next time Rodney woke up he was no longer in his cell. Actually, wherever he was, it was an improvement. It felt nice and warm.

Carefully he opened his eyes. He was in a tent, and not alone. Two women were sitting next to him, caressing his naked body with some leaves, their own naked bodies glistening from the sweat created by the hot stones and water vapour. He realised he was in some type of sauna, and naked, with naked women.

He suddenly sat up, fully aware of his body's reaction to the women. Embarrassed he tried to cover up.

'Heu, ladies.' He greeted them trying to push their inquisitive hands away.

They just smiled and poured him something to drink. Carefully Rodney took the cup and smelled it first. Smelled like ordinary water. He drank a sip. It felt really cool in this hot environment.

But as soon as he drank the liquid, he felt strange, more relaxed. He could not remember why he didn't like their attention.

The women pulled Rodney closer to the fire, caressing his hot wet body with their hands. Rodney relaxed under the soft ministrations. His mind reacted when the women came even closer and used their own bodies to massage his tired muscles. He should object but he couldn't. His head no longer had any control over his aroused body. The smell of the vapours was so sweet.

The first time they cut him, he registered it in the back of his mind. That was pain, hidden in all the softness and arousal. The women had attached long and thin sharp knives to their fingers, using these now to cut Rodney. The cuts were not deep or long, and would have had no greater effect on him than a paper cut. But the continued assault on his body, the ecstasy combined with the pain of more and more cuts seemed to bring Rodney to a higher state. Instead of resisting the pain, he craved it more and more.

'Yes, more. Cut . . . more.' He whispered, his eyes closed. And the women gave him what he wanted, more and more.

_TBC_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

As they had to wait, Sheppard and Teyla made their way back to the medical centre. Jennifer was still working on Ronon. There was nothing they could do. At a loss what to do next, Sheppard and Teyla walked back to the gate room, just as a wormhole engaged.

'Colonel Sheppard, I was just about to call you. We have made contact.' Zalenka called down.

'Thanks.' And without waiting, John stepped through the event horizon, closely followed by Teyla and Lorne with his team.

He exited the Stargate, immediately surrounded by the warrior villagers. Slowly John lifted his arms. After the wormhole disengaged, he slowly walked forward.

From behind the warriors, the village elder walked to him. They nodded.

'We have come back for our friend.' John said without preamble.

'He is undergoing the cleansing ritual before his sacrifice to the gods.'

'You'll need to explain that to me a bit more.' John said rather annoyed.

'Since when is a sneeze so bad? We all do it.' He argued.

'Not here, Colonel Sheppard. Long ago we suffered a great illness. It all started with sneezing fits and left nearly all our population dead. Those days we were visited by the Ancestors and they helped us. To prevent the sickness taking hold, our nose cavities are closed off when we are mere babies. No one here has ever sneezed again.'

At least that explained the funny way these people spoke. He hadn't dared ask the other night.

'Well, let us take our friend and we won't come back.' Sheppard tried again.

'We cannot allow this. He sneezed. He needs to be presented to the gods for this. They will decide on his faith.'

'Why?' John raised his voice a little. He knew it would not help McKay but he felt so helpless.

'Colonel Sheppard, this is how we do things here. If the gods allow it, your friend will survive his test and be returned to you. Should he survive, we would be amiss if we did not help him and prevent him from sneezing ever again. But this is too early to talk of such things. First the gods must be appeased.'

Underneath his seemingly calm exterior, John was fuming. Either Rodney was killed doing whatever stupid test they had, or he survived and lost his ability to breathe normally for the rest of his live. He didn't like either choice.

'Can we be there when he does this test?' John asked.

'No, the test is not until the morning and done in a private setting. You may wait here but you are not allowed to enter the village.'

Sheppard nodded. At least he would be close by. He'd find a way of getting to McKay, he just had to.

'Well, if you don't mind, we'll make camp here for the night.'

The village elder just nodded, turned and left them.

'Teyla, report in. Just tell Carter we'll be spending the night here.'

She walked to the DHD while the rest of the men cleared an area for a camp.

The village warriors were still there but had withdrawn closer to the village.

Slowly night fell over their fire. Everything went pitch black. This world didn't have a moon to light up the night skies.

John was restless. Somewhere out there was Rodney being cleansed. Whatever that meant.

And home Ronon was fighting for his live. And he could do nothing for either of them. He hated that feeling.

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Rodney woke up in his cell again. He had no idea how he had gotten there. It was still dark and he was cold again. He tried to sit up only then noticing the discomfort spreading over his body.

'Oh, no. It was not a dream!' He moaned quietly. His hands travelled over his naked body. He could feel the cuts all over him, his arms, his legs, his chest, his stomach, even his back as far as he could reach. He felt wet all over. Not deep enough to kill him but deep enough for him to keep losing blood. That was odd as well. Little cuts like that should stop bleeding soon.

Rodney shook his head, trying to clear his mind and remember what had happened. They must have given him something. First in that soup or he would never have allowed them to take his clothes. Then in the drink at the sauna. With a flash he remembered how much he had liked it, being cut, feeling the pain. This was so not like him. He normally hated getting hurt. He was not brave at all, not like Sheppard or Ronon. Ronon. How was he doing? At least he was back on Atlantis now, where Jennifer could take care of him. His Jennifer. If he didn't survive this, Ronon would have the field free to make a move on her.

'No, don't even go there.' He admonished himself.

The clearer his mind got, the more the pain filtered through. He knew already he could not escape this room. He sat quietly in the dirt, unable to think of anything he could do. Absentmindedly, he started scratching himself, drawing even more blood.

He looked down at his hand, realising what he was doing.

'No, no, no, not good!'

He got up and started pacing through the little room. He had to keep walking, he could not sit down. If he did, he might hurt himself even more.

Rodney kept walking and walking. But he was getting tired. The blood was still flowing slowly from the hundreds of cuts he had. And just before daylight flooded back in, he succumbed to the pain and the effect of the loss of blood. He went through his knees and fell on the dirty floor.

His last thought: 'Great, now all the germs are getting in me as well. Wonder what will kill me first?'

_TBC_


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

It had taken Jennifer and her team several hours to put Ronon back together again, working as quickly as they could to stop any more loss of blood. One team stitched up the deep gash in his left arm, a second team tackled his badly mangled foot. From now on he would set off any alarm at Earth airports. It took quite a bit of metal to get the foot in the right angle again. And Jennifer wanted it to heal perfectly. She could not imagine Ronon with a limp.

She spent hours closing the hole in his chest. In the end she had to remove part of his lung and painstakingly reattach severed arteries, all the time making sure she cleaned out the wound thoroughly to avoid any infections taking hold of his much weakened body.

Exhausted she flopped down in a chair next to his bed and waited. But with the inactivity came the overwhelming worry for Rodney again. She had been able to hold it off while concentrating on Ronon. But now her mind wondered off again. Why hadn't Sheppard reported in again? What took them so long to get Rodney out of there?

Ronon briefly woke up from the anaesthetics. Just to be on the save side, she made a full body scan to be sure she hadn't forgotten anything. But all seemed clear. The bone was properly set and his lung was working as it should.

She looked down at his sleeping face. He had never looked so fragile. Ronon was always so strong. Even when he got hurt, she couldn't keep him in bed for long. But now he was wrapped in bandages nearly all the way from head to toe. She checked once more to make sure the painkillers were slowly getting into his bloodstream, his heartbeat was strong and steady and he wasn't getting a fever.

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Sam startled as Jennifer suddenly stood in her office.

'Any news?' she asked hesitantly.

'Teyla reported back. Rodney is to undergo a test in the morning. They are allowed to stay planet side but not in the village. I wouldn't be surprised if John is working on a plan to get him out as we speak.' Sam tried to be as positive as possible. But she feared what a relative primitive people could do. Too often she had seen their savagery and brutality. But she was not going to tell Jennifer.

'How is Ronon?' Sam changed the subject.

'Incredibly strong. He's sleeping. Anyone else would have died from the amount of blood he lost. Not to speak of the pain he must have been in. But he's hanging in.'

She fidgeted with the hem of her jacket and finally looked up at Sam again.

'I better get back to him.' She apologized.

'Jennifer,' Sam ran after her, 'I'm sure Rodney will be back with us in the morning.'

Jennifer nodded.

'Thank you. But will he be alive.' And with that she walked slowly back to the medical centre.

Sam sighed. She could not give her that guarantee. She could only hope.

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'Aahrg' Jennifer startled awake from her sleep. She jumped up from the chair she had been sitting in next to Ronon's bed. Her patient had just tried to turn on his side finding himself limited in movement with all the bandages and cables attached to him.

Ronon looked at her, confused.

'Hey, there.' She said gently.

'How are you feeling?'

Ronon shook his head.

'Sheppard?' Where was his team? Why were they not sitting with him? It was an unspoken rule: when one of them got hurt, the others sat around until they were sure the hurt one was going to be ok again. So why weren't they here?

'They've gone to rescue Rodney.' Jennifer tried to calm him.

'Speak up, doctor. No need to be this quiet.' Ronon grumbled.

Jennifer looked surprised. She said something but again Ronon did not hear her. Ronon closed his eyes. He had hoped that part had been a dream, that he would be ok again after some rest.

'I can't hear you.' He said quietly to the stunned Jennifer. She picked up a light and looked in his ears. But again she found nothing wrong.

Ronon looked even more lost and fragile. His eyes wet with unshed tears, he turned his face away from her, trying to lift his arms to hide his pain. But he couldn't, the bandages and pain from the operations stopping him.

Jennifer gave him a moment alone, going in search of a pad. She didn't leave him too long. While walking back, she typed a quick message: SINCE WHEN?

She showed it to Ronon.

'I didn't hear the men come, after the fall from the jumper.' He explained briefly.

'Where is Sheppard?' He still had had no answer to that question.

RESCUE RODNEY

Ronon looked confused at her.

R CAPTURED WHILE FREEING YOU

'How long have they been gone?'

TOO LONG

She tried to hide her own worry but Ronon gently squeezed her hand in understanding.

'Sheppard will bring him home.'

He sounded so sure, Jennifer smiled.

HOW ARE YOU FEELING NOW?

'You tell me, doc.'

STITCHES IN LEFT ARM, OPEN FRACTURE LEFT FOOT, BIG HOLE IN CHEST

'So nothing new?' he tried to lift her spirits.

ARE YOU IN PAIN?

What a question to ask? Would Ronon ever admit being in pain? She was surprised when he slowly nodded.

I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO HELP YOU SLEEP.

'Thanks'

He hated feeling so helpless but figured a good sleep would get him in shape sooner. Then realisation hit him again. Get in shape for what? What could a deaf man ever mean for this team, this base, and these people?

He was glad the medication took him into a deep dreamless sleep.

_TBC_


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

It seemed a long night. Sheppard and Teyla quietly sat next to the fire, the marines taking up position closer to the village warriors.

'A private setting,' John mused, 'That's usually not set in the middle of the village but rather some way away.'

Teyla looked over at him. It only took her moments to catch onto what Sheppard was saying.

'I do believe you are right.' She agreed.

'How about we take a walk come daybreak.' He suggested.

'A very good idea.'

Sheppard signalled Lorne.

'Teyla and I are going to take a walk around the village. Make sure no one notices we are gone.'

Lorne just nodded and casually walked over to his men. For the moment it was still dark but once the sun rose it should not be noticed that two of them were missing.

Sheppard and Teyla got away unseen and slowly started to circle the village. It was not a large village but they had no idea where Rodney was being kept. Their whole plan might turn out useless if the test was to be held on the village square. But John did not want to think of that.

0000000000000000

With first daylight the cell door was opened. Rodney hadn't moved.

The village elder walked in with the two women who had 'cleaned' Rodney earlier. They had brought a large white sheet.

The elder poked Rodney in the stomach.

'Wake up! Today is the first day of the rest of your life.'

Rodney carefully opened his eyes. As he had feared, infection had set in. He felt the heat radiate from his wounded body and was reluctant to get up. Where was Sheppard? He promised to come back for him.

'Move' the man poked him again.

Carefully he sat up. That was enough for the women to drape the white sheet over him. It felt fresh and clean. But he did not get any chance to enjoy it. The women each took an arm and pulled him up. Rodney felt dizzy and weak. The bleeding had stop after hours but looking down on the floor he was amazed of the amount he had lost in the end. His head starting spinning again but the women forced him through the door.

The little gathering outside the cell doors quietly parted to let them through.

Rodney had no idea where he was being taken, placing one foot after the other without noticing a lot.

They kept on walking, just the four of them now, until they reached the outskirts of the village.

Under an old tree a primitive stone table was surrounded by flowers. Rodney was glad they finally stopped and did not object to lying down on the cold stone slab. He just wanted it to end now. He wanted to go home. But when they shackled him to the stone, he started panicking.

'Please, just let me go!' He pleaded.

Spread eagled he lay helpless as the women pulled the sheet off him again.

'The gods must be appeased.' The elder started.

Rodney looked around, afraid of what was to happen next. The women had gone further off but now returned with arms full of flowers and fragrant herbs. They started rubbing the flowers and herbs over Rodney's body and face.

The assault of the different smells, together with the dust of the dirt started to tickle Rodney's nose again. Trying hard he could not stop himself from sneezing loudly again.

'The gods have decided. He is to move on to the next phase in his life!'

Rodney looked at the elder as he pulled a sharp looking knife out of his sleeve. Holding it high above his head, he started praying and coming closer to Rodney.

'No, no, no, please…..' Rodney pleaded, tears running down his face.

'Please let me go!' he shouted.

But the elder seemed not to notice.

'Gods, please take this man into your bosom and bless him with your forgiveness.'

He raised the knife high above his head with both hands, ready to plunge it down into Rodney's heart.

Rodney saw the knife coming down in slow motion, turning away his head, screaming as loud as he could.

But the knife never reached him.

Sheppard and Teyla had reached that side of the village just as they saw the foursome walk to the old tree.

Using Rodney's scream, John pulled the trigger once.

The knife flew out of the elder's hands. Furious he turned around to see who had interrupted this most sacred ceremony. He did not get a chance to call any of his men.

Sheppard rushed to Rodney who had passed out from sheer fright.

He pushed his gun under the elder's chin.

'Don't even try to make a noise.'

'Colonel Sheppard. You were not to enter the village.'

'Well, technically I didn't. This is outside your village. There are no houses, no gardens, no other people.'

In the meantime, Teyla had tied the women to the tree, after gagging them. She picked up the sheet and carefully draped it back over Rodney. She gently shook him but he was not moving.

'You are going to release my friend from these shackles and I'm going to pick him up and take him home. Then we are never going to meet again.' The menace was clear in Sheppard's voice.

Reluctantly the elder released Rodney. As soon as he was done, Teyla pulled him to the tree as well and tied him to it.

'We could have easily killed you but we didn't. Try and enjoy the smells in the world for once!'

John handed Teyla his P90 and lifted Rodney onto his shoulders. Quickly they made their way back to the Stargate.

John tapped his earpiece to contact Lorne.

'Lorne, we have him. Dial the gate and distract these guys so we can get through.'

Lorne just turned to the direction he knew John was watching him from and nodded.

'Sorry guys, I need to check in to the office.'

He positioned his men in such a way they would distract the warriors away from the gate. Then he casually walked to the DHD and dialled the gate. The whoos only briefly distracted the warriors.

'Yes, Atlantis, this is Lorne checking in as required.' Lorne pretended to talk to Atlantis. When he was sure no one was paying attention to him, he activated his IDC and signalled John to get through.

Carefully with Rodney still secure on his shoulders, John and Teyla slipped through the event horizon.

'Come home you say? Yes, sir. Immediately.' Lorne turned to his men.

'Time to go home, guys.'

'Where is your commanding officer?' One of the warriors finally asked.

'Did you not see him? He already went through with Teyla.'

And waving one last time they all stepped through, away from that planet.

John stumbled through the gate.

'Medical emergency!' He shouted carefully putting Rodney on the floor.

John sat down next to him. He got him home but was it in time?

_TBC_

_You will need to wait a few days for the next chapters as I will be travelling back home for the next 24 hours._

_Feedback much appreciated!_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Sheppard held the still unconscious Rodney in his arms, making sure he was covered up. Not everyone in Atlantis had to see how abused his body was.

When the gurney finally arrived, he carefully lifted Rodney and put him on it. They all ran to the medical centre, Sheppard still holding on to his friend, leaving Teyla to update Carter.

Jennifer was waiting for her patient. She tried to keep a distance but it was hard.

John still hadn't moved from his side.

'Thank you, colonel. We can take it from here.' She tried to make him leave.

As she took hold of a corner of the sheet, John put his hand on hers. She looked up at his worried eyes.

'Doc, it's bad.' He simply stated. Then he let go of her hand. Slowly she lifted the sheet.

'Where are his clothes?' She asked no one in particular, just looking up at Sheppard again. She swallowed and then continued to uncover Rodney.

More and more was revealed to her and her medical staff as they turned Rodney's body and removed the sheet.

'Who did this to him?' Jennifer asked through unshed tears. Everywhere she touched, the small wounds started to bleed again. She looked down at Rodney and gently ran her hand over his hair, wanting him to wake up and moan to her, at least give some reaction. But none was coming.

'Alicia, get blood works started. These wounds should not be bleeding as they are.

Tom, get fluids in him as quickly as possible. What's his temperature?

Get me some disinfectant and start cleaning these wounds, now!'

Jennifer gave her team instructions, taking a pace back to check on Rodney's heart rate. She still could not get over it that one human being had abused another in such a way. The pain he must be in now. In her heart she wished she could just hold him in her arms and make him all better. But she knew it would take some time.

Sheppard had taken a step back by now, leaving his friend to the good care of the doctor and her team. He went in search of his other friend and found him on the other side of the medical centre, in a quiet area.

Sheppard was startled to see how wrapped up Ronon was. He knew he had been hurt, hurt badly actually. He couldn't remember ever seeing Ronon so bad. And still he became silent as he saw his friend like that.

Ronon was fast asleep and Sheppard took a chair to sit and wait with him. In the distance he saw how they were still working on Rodney. He knew he should go to Carter for his report but half his team was down. He was not going anywhere until he was sure they were both ok, or at least well on their way at being ok.

He had just closed his eye when he heard a small moan coming from the bed. He got up immediately and looked at the now awake Ronon.

'Hey, there, Buddy. How you feeling?' John smiled, happy to see at least one of his friends recovering.

But Ronon just turned his head away and ignored him.

Sheppard was confused. Why did Ronon act this way? Had he done something wrong? Sure, he hadn't been here when he first woke up. But John was sure Jennifer would have explained they had to go back to save Rodney.

John carefully touched Ronon, trying to get his attention again.

Sheppard took a physical step back when Ronon turned around to him, eye blazing and voice shouting angry: 'GET LOST!'

Ronon turned away immediately again, not wanting to look into Sheppard's eyes and see the confusion.

But John was not so easily dissuaded.

'Hey, Chewie. No need to be grumpy.' He slowly approached Ronon again.

He had no reaction. So he tried touching his friend again.

But again Ronon turned to him, anger showing through every movement: 'I said: GET LOST!'

And again Ronon turned away, closing his eyes, hoping Sheppard had not seen his tears, not noticed how his heart was breaking. But he knew he had to push his friend away. Sheppard would try everything to keep him in his team. And Ronon knew he had to make sure Sheppard would not want that anymore, not with a man who could not hear.

Jennifer had noticed to shouting and took a moment away from Rodney to pull John to the side.

'What's the matter with him? Why is he so angry?' He asked confused.

'He's only just recovering from serious surgery.' She tried to explain.

'What are you not telling me, Doc?' Sheppard insisted.

But Jennifer hesitated. She did not have time to explain it to him now.

'Please, let me attend to Rodney first. Go and get yourself cleaned up. Then come back and we'll talk.'

Reluctantly, Sheppard let himself be pushed out of the medical centre, away from his friends.

He slowly walked back to his room. His uniform was stained with Rodney's blood. He could hardly report to Carter like that. Still, he felt terrible leaving his friends like that.

_TBC_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

Slowly but surely, Jennifer started to get a hold on Rodney's injuries. Some of the cuts had to be stitched, other were closed with wound glue, hoping that scaring would remain at a minimum.

The blood work had shown some odd substances. But over the time he was in the infirmary, the amount of foreign substances was going down. Another 24 hours and they would be out of his body all together. The small wounds were bleeding less as well. They had to re-glue some of them as blood built up underneath and burst through the glue again.

But finally by nightfall, Rodney was sleeping peacefully. Jennifer stood over him, looking at his face. Not caring if anyone saw her, she quickly kissed him on the forehead.

'Please, wake up, Rodney.' She whispered. But there was no response. She had to be patient.

His fever was down, his wounds taken care off, dressed in clean fresh hospital pj's.

Sheppard found her still standing over Rodney. Teyla had joined him also wanting to find out what was wrong with Ronon.

'Hey, Doc. How is he doing?' She looked up.

'Better. But he still hasn't woken up.'

She finally tore her eyes away from Rodney. She noticed Sheppard looking across the medical centre to Ronon.

'Come to my office.' She distracted him and preceded them both to her office.

They all sat down. Sheppard allowed her some time, even though it was difficult. He wanted to know what was wrong so he could fix it.

'Colonel, . . . ' She didn't know how to start.

'Just tell me what's wrong.' John tried to help.

'Well, we repaired the hole, stitched up his arm and remodelled his foot. It will take a while for him to get better again. He'll need a lot of physiotherapy to get his foot working again as it did. The team did a great job repairing that as we knew Ronon would hate to have a limp after this.'

'I understand all of that. Why is he so angry?' John asked anxiously.

'Sometimes, when people are under great stress, their body reacts in a certain way, a defensive way.'

John nodded.

'Ronon is angry because . . . he can't hear you anymore.'

'What?' John jumped up.

'Did he hurt his head? How did that happen?' John paced around the office now.

'Colonel Sheppard, I've never seen Ronon as hurt as he is now. For one or other reason his body has convinced him that he no longer can hear anyone around. There is nothing physically wrong with him. There is nothing for me to heal.' She sounded desperate. She is a doctor and yet she can't help her patient.

John stopped pacing around the room, looking through the window to his friend.

'Jennifer, is there anything we can do?' Teyla asked cautiously.

'Patience. I have been using the pad, next to his bed to answer his questions. Keep talking to him.'

John nodded and left the office, walking straight to Ronon. Now he knew what his friend was doing. For sure, he would try the same thing. But it would not work, not on John Sheppard.

He noticed Ronon was awake but refusing to look at him. So Sheppard picked up the pad and wrote:

I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO. WON'T WORK!

He shoved it under Ronon's face.

Ronon tried to pull away but Sheppard was feeling angry. He walked to the other side of the bed and showed the pad again. This time when Ronon tried to turn away, Sheppard stopped him, holding his face in his hand.

He felt Ronon resist for a moment but then turn to face him. His eyes were empty but Sheppard didn't release him. Again he showed the pad and said the words out loud:

'I know what you are trying to do. It won't work.'

For a moment, Ronon closed his eyes, a tear escaping.

'Sheppard,' Ronon said hoarsely, 'I'm useless.'

Sheppard quickly typed.

NEVER. WE'LL GET THROUGH THIS.

Ronon quickly whipped the tear from his face. He seemed to relax a little and John decided to leave it at that for now.

HOW YOU FEELING?

'Not too bad. Doc has me on some strong sedatives. Sheppard, I'll be out for a while.' Ronon replied.

John nodded.

SO

And for the first time, a little smile touched Ronon's face again. He should have known Sheppard would not let him go that easily.

'What's up with McKay?' Ronon asked.

CUT ALL OVER. NOT WAKING UP.

But as soon as he showed Ronon the message, a scream was heard from Rodney's bed.

_TBC_


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

Sheppard and Teyla turned immediately to Rodney's bed. Even Ronon wanted to jump up, quickly suppressing a moan as he felt the stitches pull and the heavy weight on his foot. He hated not being able to help.

Rodney looked up at them, fear radiating from his eyes, only slowly realising he was back home.

'Rodney, you are save now.' Jennifer whispered.

Rodney focused on Sheppard.

'You came.' He stammered.

'Sure, Buddy. Told you I'd be back.' John said gently. There was something odd at the way Rodney looked at them.

'They cut me.'

He looked so helpless and afraid. Not the usual Rodney at all.

'You'll be fine.' Jennifer assured him. But he refused to look at her.

'Didn't stop bleeding, all night.'

It was as if Rodney had to get his story out in bits and pieces.

'They gave you something. But it is now cleared from your body. The bleeding is stopped and your cuts are healing nicely. The infection is getting better all the time as well.' Jennifer explained to him with a smile.

Finally he looked at her.

'No, pain…. Cut….. Leave me alone!' He screamed at her.

She took a step back, unable to understand what was going on.

'Rodney?' Sheppard stepped forward.

'No…all of you…go away….leave me alone!' He shouted, refusing to look at them, closing his eyes while tears ran freely down his face.

'Please, just leave me.' He pleaded quietly.

Seeing Rodney so upset, the team gave him some space, returning to Ronon instead.

'What's up with McKay?' Ronon had seen something was wrong, even if he couldn't hear it. He could still read a situation like no other. And there was definitely something wrong here.

RODNEY ACTING WEIRD.

'So what's new?'

John turned to him. It would take too long to type out so he took the pad and instructed 'voice record'. Now, everything he would say, the pad would immediately show Ronon.

'He was pleased to see us first. Saying he was cut and bleeding all night. Then suddenly he wanted us to leave, pleading actually. Even Doc.' Sheppard could still not believe what had just happened. He looked back at Rodney where a new nurse was giving him a sedative, allowing him to drift back into a restless sleep.

John walked to Jennifer who stood a little away, looking at the restless Rodney.

'Doc?' He startled her.

'What's all that about?' The confusion was evident on her face.

Shaking her head, she didn't know what to say.

'No idea? He seemed to wake up ok. Perhaps it's the after effects of the drugs they used.'

She looked exhausted.

'Why don't you get some rest? We'll look after him.'

Finally Jennifer looked at him and smiled.

'Thanks but I'll be in my office for now.' And with that she walked away, looking back once more at the now sedated man she had fallen in love with.

Teyla was waiting for John on Ronon's bed.

'Why don't you two get some rest as well? Seems you didn't sleep a lot last night.' Ronon suggested.

John picked up the pad:

'I promised we'd keep an eye on Rodney.' He showed Ronon the message.

'I can keep an eye on him.'

Sheppard looked at Ronon, doubt showing briefly in his eyes.

'I just need eyes. I don't want to particularly hear him.' Ronon argued.

Sheppard and Teyla hesitated for a moment. They wanted to trust Ronon and show him he still had a place in the team, that his talents were more than just being able to hear. Sheppard thought it through for a moment. Rodney seemed fast asleep. So what could go wrong? And it wasn't like there was no one else in the infirmary.

'OK. But if there is anything, call us.'

Slowly Sheppard and Teyla walked out of the medical centre. They hadn't realised how many hours had already passed until they looked out and saw the double moons overhead the city.

'How about something to eat?' Sheppard suggested.

Teyla nodded and they walked to the mess hall, hoping to find something left to eat.

_TBC_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

'Medical Emergency!'

Something made Ronon wake up. He saw all on duty personnel rush out of the infirmary, closely followed by Dr. Keller. Something was up.

He looked over at Rodney's bed. He was lying on his side, back turned to Ronon. But his breathing seemed normal for a sleeping person. Ronon looked around the empty place, silence overwhelming him.

Contrary to what Ronon thought, Rodney was not asleep. His eyes closed, he relived the hours in the sauna with the women. He had loved their attention. Why had he reacted so much to them? He loved Jennifer. He was not the kind of man who got aroused by every woman coming in his neighbourhood. So why now? The whole massaging thing hadn't gone any further than that seeing the women had brought knives to the event. But that was what worried him most of all.

Earlier, when he had looked into Jennifer's worried eyes and his heart had filled with all the love he felt inside for her, he was crushed down with the unstoppable need to feel the pain again, to feel the knife cut through his skin, to feel the warm blood leaving his body, coating him like warm sweet honey.

At first he thought it would pass. But now each time he felt good and happy, seeing his friends, feeling save in Atlantis, the urge to cut got worse and worse. He could no longer look at them. He could not stand them being near him.

He didn't know how long he would be able to resist the screaming urge he felt building inside him. So he had yelled for them to leave him.

But making them go away had not reduced the need. He had slept after the injection. But now he was wide awake.

It would be so easy. Seemed a medical emergency had pulled everyone who was on duty away. He was in the right place to find something to cut himself with. And now, for the last 30 minutes, he had been staring at the tray standing not too far away from him, the surgical blade calling out to him.

He struggled to keep his hands under the covers. He could turn his friends away. But how could he run away from his love of science, of Atlantis even. He had never before realised how he liked it in Atlantis, how much he enjoyed his job, working with the people, finding new things, figuring out problems.

And with that realisation came again the crushing need to cut himself. He felt his tears warm on his face. This was one ordeal he could not survive. This planet and what the people had done to him over a simple sneeze would be the end of Dr. Rodney McKay.

He could no longer resist the urge. Leaning out of his bed, he grabbed the small sharp blade. He didn't even look at it any more, knowing exactly where he wanted to cut.

The fine blade ran smoothly over his arm. One cut, two cuts, three cuts, again and again the metal opened up the skin, releasing the vital fluid. With each cut he screamed inside his head. The pain increasing with each cut. And he loved it.

Realising what he was doing, he stopped his hand to look at his arm. Blood ran freely, drops already staining the crisp white linen.

It wasn't fair. He couldn't do this to his friends.

Slowly he turned on his back, looking over to Ronon. He could tell Ronon was not asleep. Rodney got up from his bed and walked the short distance to his friend.

Ronon must have noticed something from the corner of his eyes. He turned to see McKay standing next to his bed.

'McKay? Shouldn't you be asleep?' He asked his friend.

He could see McKay saying something. But what?

'McKay, you need to use the pad.'

But Rodney ignored him, talking away.

'sor….end….take…..Jennif…..'

Ronon shook his head. Did he hear some of the words?

Abruptly, Rodney turned around and walked away. But he did not stop at his bed. He just kept going?

It was then the Ronon noticed the drops of blood trailing behind McKay.

'McKay!' Ronon shouted. But he saw a last glimpse of him as he left the room.

Something was seriously wrong. Looking around the room, he saw the crutches Keller had shown him. Suppressing a moan, he sat up, pushing his foot over the edge of the bed and pulling himself upright. He grabbed one of the crutches and put it under his arm. He took one step forward. His body protesting in agony as he felt some of the stitching in his chest tear. He could not put any weight on his foot.

He only knew his friend was in trouble and he needed to go after him.

Ignoring the pain, he stumbled forward, following the blood now evident on the floor. He knew he had to find someone to get a message to Sheppard but it was late and there was no one in the corridors.

The trail led him to one of the transporters. Rodney had transported away but where to?

For once, Ronon was glad to see blood. Rodney had used his bloodied fingers to press the buttons. Ronon followed the same path.

He walked out of the transporter and found himself on the west pier. He saw Rodney walking slowly to the end.

'McKay!' Ronon shouted after him but he did not seem to notice.

Rodney went through his knees, unaware he had been followed.

He just wanted it all to end. He could not live like this, always feeling the urge to cut himself each time he felt good. No, it would be better if he ended it now. Slowly he lifted he knife.

It was amazing how smoothly it went through first his right and then his left wrist. The pain was welcomed and the blood now oozing out as he cut the artery, a beautiful flow in rhythm with his heartbeat.

Ronon tried to walk faster but his body would not allow it. Too many minutes passed and he saw Rodney fall down.

Finally he made it to his friend, seeing the pool of blood quickly forming around him.

Ronon dropped down and pulled Rodney in his arms.

'What have you done?' He whispered. He held up Rodney's arms in an attempt to slow the bleeding but it wasn't doing much good.

Frantically, the pulled off his hospital top. Using his teeth he pulled strips of the fabric and wound them around Rodney's wrists. At long last that seemed to slow the bleeding at least a little.

Holding his friend close, he noticed Rodney's open eyes.

'Rodney?' He asked hesitantly.

Rodney seemed to focus for a moment.

'Ronon?'

And then he started sobbing.

'Please, Ronon, let me die.'

'I could never do that, Rodney.'

'But you don't understand.' The tears now relentless.

'Talk to me.' And then it hit Ronon like a bullet. He could hear Rodney!

'Why do you want to die?' Focusing back on his friend.

Rodney tried to pull away, grab the knife that had fallen out of his hands. But Ronon held him.

'Please, Ronon. I need to cut.'

Ronon looked confused.

'Why, Rodney?'

Rodney tried again to free himself from the Satedan. But he was feeling weak. Perhaps he had lost enough blood after all and he would slowly slip away. But Ronon shook him.

'Why, McKay?' Ronon said louder.

'On the planet, they made me feel so good. And then they cut me. I hated it first. But then I learned to love it. I love it so much now that when anything or anyone makes me feel good, I need to feel the pain as well. Ronon, I can't live like that. I can't look at Jennifer and at the same time want to grab a knife. Please, my friend. Please let me die.' Rodney looked up pleading.

'We'll find a way. We'll help you.'

Rodney just shook his head. With a last effort, he pushed hard against Ronon's chest, feeling the already wet bandages. He knew he was hurting Ronon but he had to get away. He had to die.

Ronon screamed in agony at his friend's assault and briefly let go.

Rodney slipped away, dragging himself to the edge of the pier, fully intent on going over and disappearing into the water.

But he hadn't counted on Ronon. With all his strength, Ronon pushed himself up and landed hard on Rodney before this one made it to the water.

The weight of the large Satedan stopping him from his ultimate goal was the last thing Rodney remembered.

_TBC_


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

Black spots in front of his eyes. He tried to breathe through it. He could not pass out, not now. If McKay would wake up before he did, he would still try to take his own life. And that was something Ronon could not allow.

He took the extra minutes to try and recover from the effort of throwing himself on Rodney. Ronon tried to sit up, looking down at his now soaking bandages. He could feel the warm blood leaving his chest where the hole had re-opened. Along his left arm blood was running freely to meet up with his fingertips. He had to move. Soon he would lose too much blood to be able to get both Rodney and himself to safety.

Ronon looked back towards the transporter. The distance had never seemed so big. He could not use the crutch as that would mean leaving Rodney alone. He had to take the hurt scientist with him.

Slowly he started crawling towards the transporter, using his left arm to pull himself along, and then dragging his useless foot. He grabbed Rodney by his infirmary pyjamas and pulled him along with his right arm. He had the feeling his body was being torn to pieces, every meter agony. But he could not leave his friend.

Finally he reached the transporter. It opened and he pulled himself with Rodney on top, into the machine. He reached up, hoping he tapped the right buttons for the mess hall. He had to get to an area with people, preferably lots of them and preferably with Sheppard somewhere nearby.

The blinding light took them to the mess hall in an instance.

The doors opened and he rolled out with his precious cargo.

'AAH!' He never saw the woman but her screams at seeing both men, brought Sheppard and Teyla to the transporter.

Sheppard dropped on his knees, not knowing what to do first. Teyla immediately called for medical assistance.

Finally Ronon looked up.

'Sheppard, keep Rodney sedated!' He dropped his head. His vision was fast loosing coherence.

'Promise!' He grabbed Sheppard's shirt.

'I will.' He heard John say and finally gave in to the fast engulfing darkness.

Jennifer was torn. On the one hand she wanted to take care of Rodney, who for one or other reason had more cuts now. But Ronon's condition was a lot more serious. She would have to leave Rodney up to her capable staff.

Sheppard had insisted they sedated Rodney and although she didn't understand why, it was for the better at this moment.

It had taken her another three hours to get Ronon together again. Vital arteries had torn apart again in his chest, leaving his body deprived of the much needed life fluids. The stitches in his arm had all torn open as he had used his muscles to pull both himself and Rodney to the transporter.

In the back of her mind she kept thinking what must have happened for both men to get hurt so badly. She hoped Rodney had not been the cause of Ronon's situation. At the same time she hoped Ronon had not been the one responsible for the condition Rodney was in.

oooOOOooo

By daybreak both men were settled back into their beds, both fast asleep.

Sheppard and Teyla had retraced the blood and found the knife. But they were none the wiser as to what had happened. So they took some chairs and sat with their friends, hoping one of them would wake up soon and tell them what the hell was going on.

Sheppard was restless, waking through the infirmary like a caged tiger. Rodney was restless, tossing and turning in his bed. Ronon was restless, his hands trying to grab something which only he saw in his dreams. Teyla tried to stay calm, if only to make sure one of the team gave a semblance of control. But inside, she was just as restless as the others.

Rodney was the first to wake up. He realised immediately he was back in his bed in infirmary. Slowly he looked around noticing Sheppard watching him.

'Hey there.' Rodney said a bit unsure.

'Hello, Rodney. How are you feeling?' Teyla asked as Sheppard did not reply.

Jennifer immediately came running as well.

'Hello.' She said smiling. Rodney smiled back at her.

'I'm fine, little hungry. What happened?' Rodney asked.

'Can't you remember?' John now approached the bed.

'No, not really. Has anything happened?'

John was confused. Why did Ronon want to keep Rodney sedated? He seemed ok enough.

He pulled Jennifer a bit to the side.

'I thought you were going to keep him under?' He quietly whispered.

'There is no medical reason for that. What made you ask in the first place?'

John looked at the other bed.

'Ronon insisted.'

'Why? Or does Ronon not want us to find out what he did to Rodney?' That came out a lot more venomously than she intended.

'You think Ronon hurt Rodney?' Sheppard could not believe she had just implied that.

Jennifer shook her head.

'No, not really. I just wish we'd find out what happened.'

'Well, let's ask Rodney.' John said annoyed.

They walked back to the bed where Rodney was quietly talking away to Teyla.

'Rodney?' John intruded.

'Sheppard.' Rodney replied.

'Care to tell us what happened?'

Rodney looked confused.

'I was held on the planet and you came to save me.' Rodney simply stated.

'And what happened with Ronon?' John prompted.

Rodney looked even more confused.

'He fell. Don't tell me you didn't get him back in time!' Rodney suddenly panicked.

'No, no. He's recovering.' Jennifer quickly tried to calm him down. She shot Sheppard an angry look but he ignored her.

'I mean, what happened to you and Ronon on the pier?' Sheppard tried again.

'What happened?' Rodney repeated the question.

'Don't you remember anything else?' Teyla gently pushed.

'No, not really. Any chance of getting something to eat? I'm starving.' And with that Rodney seemed his usual self again. Any chance of getting further answers disappeared as Jennifer got him something to eat.

John walked back to Ronon's bed wishing him to wake up soon.

He looked down at his friend, noticing the beads of sweat covering his face. He could feel the heat radiating from his body. His breathing was hesitant and laboured.

'Doc!' Sheppard called.

Jennifer rushed over.

'Oh, this is not good. Infection has set in. We had so hoped that wouldn't happen.' She listened to his heart and breathing. She pushed Sheppard to the side and quickly injected Ronon with some strong medication, putting a breathing mask over his mouth and nose. After a few minutes Ronon seemed to be breathing more easily.

'Doc?' John tried to get her attention again.

Jennifer turned around.

'Ronon is very sick. I don't know when he'll wake up.'

That was not the news he wanted to hear. Ronon had made him promise to keep Rodney sedated. Why was that? Was it because he had something to hide? No, Sheppard immediately threw that suggestion out the window. But what was the reason then? Looking back at Rodney, he seemed his usual self again, talking to Teyla, rubbing his cuts once in a while but nothing unusual.

He'd have to be patient. But for how long?

_TBC_


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

The day went by slowly. Rodney slept a little but soon picked up his pad again to start working, seemingly all ok again.

Sheppard still had a nagging feeling about it all. He just wanted Ronon to wake up. But he was still fighting an infection in his chest. He had developed pneumonia and his breathing was still very difficult.

Teyla and John had taken a break but were soon sitting with their friends again.

The sun was setting and Rodney had finished his dinner. He looked around the quiet infirmary, noticing Sheppard and Teyla had popped out to get something to eat as well.

He casually asked:

'Jennifer, can't I go to my own bed to rest now. I mean, there's no reason I need to be here, is there? I'm fine.'

Jennifer hesitated for a moment.

'Please!' Rodney gave her his puppy dog eyes which he knew she could not resist.

'Alright then. But I'll check on you and if I see you are overdoing it already, you will be back here before you can even complain. Is that understood?' She made herself clear.

'Scouts honour, I just want to sleep in my own bed. And I'll look forward to your visit.' He added cheekily. Jennifer smiled and started to disconnect the syringe still in his hand.

Happy, Rodney got up and walked out with his pad already in front of him.

When Sheppard and Teyla returned, he immediately noticed the empty bed.

'Where's Rodney?' He walked to Keller.

She looked up from the slide she had been studying.

'He went to his own room to sleep. There was no reason to keep him here. I will check on him during the night, rest assured.'

'But, Doc, . . . . .' Sheppard started to complain when loud coughing was heard from Ronon's bed. They both rushed to him.

Ronon had his eyes open. He was agitated.

'Rodney?' He looked at Sheppard questioningly.

'Rodney's fine. What happened?'

Ronon shook his head vehemently.

'You promised!' He hissed between clenched teeth, trying to get out of the bed. Sheppard easily stopped him.

'Talk to me. What happened?'

'McKay wants to die. He tried to kill himself. You can't leave him!' Ronon spat at him.

Sheppard looked up at Jennifer, trying to find some assurance in her eyes that Rodney would never do that.

Ronon grabbed Sheppard's shirt.

'Find him!'

Sheppard turned around and started running faster and faster. Why did McKay's room have to be the other side of the city? And was he even there?

oooOOOooo

When Rodney had woken up, he immediately realised he was back in the infirmary. He could have cried. He didn't want to be there, he wanted to die.

Looking over at Ronon, he could see the Satedan was fast asleep. With a bit of luck, he'd be able to get out of there soon and still end it all.

He knew how to pretend everything was fine. He had made it an art during his school years so people wouldn't see how they hurt him, just because he was smart. And although he hated to deceive Jennifer, it was better she didn't know.

At first he had expected them to ask about the suicide attempt but it became clear very quickly that Ronon had not been able to tell them anything yet. So there was still time.

Hearing Ronon had developed an infection and pneumonia, assured him the big man was not going to wake up any time soon. He felt for his friend but he was in good hands. And Jennifer cared for him as well. He knew Ronon had special feelings for Jennifer. And given time, and the fact Rodney would no longer be in the way, she would love Ronon as well. He'd take care of her after he was gone.

He had taken his time, showing he was fine, even pretending to be working on his pad, when actually he had been looking at the fastest way to get back to his room. He updated his will and then wrote a few goodbye notes, to John, Teyla, Sam and Jennifer.

He had timed it perfectly, when Sheppard and Teyla had gone, to ask Jennifer to go back to his room. He knew how to manipulate her. He didn't feel good about it. But she'd learn to forgive him, after he was gone.

The route to his quarters was burned in his mind. As soon as he left the infirmary, he rushed through the different corridors, using the transporters and finally making it to his door.

It opened and Rodney walked into his home. He locked the door behind him.

He sat down on his bed. He had one last note to write.

_Dear friend,_

_I am sorry. I didn't mean to drag you into my ending. You know why I have to go, why I can't live my life anymore._

_Thank you for being my friend these last years. I know I'm not the easiest person to work with. Thank you for all the times you saved me._

_Don't feel bad. There was nothing you could have done to save me this time._

_Please take care of Jennifer for me. I know she is special to you as well._

_Your friend,_

_Rodney McKay_

He had written it on some note paper as he knew Ronon hated all the electronic gadgets he loved so much. Folding the small paper, he put it next to Jennifer's photo.

He looked around his room one last time. He had loved it here. And with that he gave in to his craving to cut himself. In a drawer he kept his Swiss knife, a present from his father a long time ago. He unfolded the longest blade, sat down on his bed and looked at the weapon, wondering if it would be long enough for his purpose.

In the back of his mind he heard banging on the door.

'Rodney!'

Someone was shouting his name. Too late.

With deliberate force he plunged down the blade into his upper leg, severing the main blood vessels. No slow death this time. The blood gushed out, only a few minutes and death would welcome him. He felt light headed, dropping the knife, still clutched in his hand, his body slowly sinking onto the bed, his last thoughts for Jennifer as he passed out.

_TBC_


	19. Chapter 19

**Sorry I kept you all waiting. Vacation time and no access to internet. Poor Rodney been bleeding all this time.**

**Chapter 19**

'Control Room, override McKay's door!' Sheppard shouted in his headset. Rodney was not reacting. What if Ronon had been right? But why would McKay want to die?

The door opened in front of him. It was dark.

'Lights' Sheppard ordered.

'Oh Crap!'

Sheppard's eyes were immediately pulled to the blood running far too fast out of Rodney's leg.

'Medical Emergency – McKay's quarter!' He shouted, rushing to Rodney's side.

He grabbed the sheet on the bed and pushed it hard against the leg, both hands blocking the wound, trying to prevent more blood from running out.

'Rodney! Rodney!' Sheppard shouted. But there was no reaction. McKay was turning very pale and unresponsive.

Jennifer and a medical team ran into the room. For a second she stopped, stunned by the scene in front of her.

'Keep your hands on that wound.' She just told Sheppard while checking Rodney's vital signs. He was still alive but seeing the amount of blood spilled she didn't know how long for.

Applying a tourniquet, John was able to move out of the way and Rodney was wheeled back to the infirmary.

Sheppard stood lost in the room, unable to believe what had just happened. He hadn't noticed Teyla walking towards him.

'John.' She carefully tried to get his attention.

'He tried to kill himself. Rodney.' He was still stunned.

'Dr. Keller will save him. Then we will find a way to help him.' She gently touched his arm. He looked at her.

'I failed him. And I failed Ronon.' Sheppard shook his head and made for the door.

'John, wait.'

Sheppard turned towards her.

'Perhaps it is wise to first wash the blood of your hands. We do not want the others to scare of your appearance.'

John looked down at his blood stained hands. He had only held Rodney for like 5 minutes. How could there have been so much blood in such a short time. Dazed he walked to Rodney's bathroom and washed his hands.

oooOOOooo

Ronon waited anxiously for Sheppard to return, hoping he had been wrong and Rodney would be annoyed at him for sending Sheppard to check on the scientist.

But as soon as people started running about, he knew his worst fears were coming through. He saw the gurney pass by on the way to the OR.

Sheppard and Teyla walked in a little later.

'He's still alive.' Sheppard answered the unspoken question in Ronon's eyes.

'I'm sorry I didn't listen.' John averted his eyes.

'You couldn't have known.' Ronon simply stated. He was boiling inside but also knew if McKay wanted to die, he would have found a way to do it. At the same time he could see Sheppard wasn't convinced.

'I should have said more.' Ronon tried again.

Sheppard just sat down shaking his head.

'No, I should have kept my promise. You knew. Is that what happened on the pier?'

Ronon nodded his head.

'You can hear again!' Sheppard suddenly seemed to realise.

'Yeah, it was McKay. I could hear him say something, not a lot, just a few words. Then I saw the blood as he left. I followed him.'

'Ronon, do you know why Rodney would want to take his own life?' Teyla asked THE questions.

Sheppard looked up.

'Don't tell me it's my fault.' Sheppard said worriedly.

Ronon shook his head.

'It's the cuts.' Sheppard could not follow.

'The ceremony he went through. . . . it did something to him. Now, each time he feels good or is happy, he has the unstoppable urge to feel pain. He needs to cut himself. He said he could not live like that. He'd rather die.'

Sheppard was slowly boiling inside. The man had only sneezed! Was that reason enough to condemn him for the rest of his life!

_TBC_


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

Slowly his mind woke up. He started noticing things around him. Should he open his eyes and see what the afterlife was all about?

Something was wrong. The afterlife sounded very much like the infirmary. He could hear voices in the distance coming closer. Someone was touching his hand. Someone carefully caressed his face. So soft, so sweet. He could not stop the moan escaping his lips. Where was the pain?

'Rodney?'

He knew that voice, he loved that voice, whispering his name. He loved the mouth it came out of, with sweet lips he loved to kiss.

Again he moaned. Where was the pain? He needed to feel pain.

'Rodney?' the voice tried again.

He had to open his eyes. Face the consequences. Part of him hoped it was indeed his afterlife but most of him knew that would not be the vision when he opened his eyes.

'Rodney.' A smiling face, his Jennifer, looking so pleased to see his bright eyes again.

A tear slipped down his face. He tried to wipe it off only to notice he could not use his hands.

'What?' he stuttered.

He tried to concentrate again. Looking down his body, he could see the sheet covering him up. He could also feel the restraints keeping him in place on the bed.

'Why?' He looked up at Jennifer.

'Rodney, we can't take any changes. Until we figure this out, you will be restrained.'

He could hear the pain in her voice. He turned away from her, not wanting to face her accusing eyes.

'You should have let me die. Please, leave me.'

'Rodney, Ronon told us.'

'So.'

'We'll find a way.'

'No, you won't. If there was any other way, don't you think I would have tried it!' He started to get upset as realisation hit him: he was still very much alive and now everyone knew what he had done.

'Rodney, please, I'm only trying to help.'

But he refused to let her in, arguing it was better she let him go. As no words were spoken, he soon felt her leave his bedside. After a while he turned around, seeing her standing over Ronon, talking quietly. His heart broke a little at the sight. He had pushed her to Ronon, he knew that. Still it was not easy to see.

oooOOOooo

It was the middle of the night when Rodney finally woke up. Jennifer had convinced Sheppard and Teyla to get some rest. She had not taken her own advice.

After she had heard from Ronon what Rodney had done, or tried to, twice now, she did not understand. He was such a strong man. Why give in now? Did he doubt her love for him? Was it so easy to give up on her?

The conversation had not gone well either. In the end she had walked to Ronon to check how he was doing. The rest and lots of medication seemed to be doing their job.

'How is he?' Ronon whispered.

'Not good.'

She fussed around his bandages, barely noticing the heat still radiating from his body. If she had, she would have known Ronon was not doing well at all. But he didn't complain or say anything. She had other worries on her mind.

'Don't give up on him.' He quietly asked, 'He's a good man.'

Jennifer nodded. She knew that. And she could help him with anything physical. But how could she help him with his mental anguish?

'You better get some sleep.' She absentmindedly spoke the words.

'You too.' Ronon closed his eyes while Jennifer left his bedside, eyes on Rodney all the time.

He waited until it was quiet in the infirmary, everyone asleep or working quietly in some corner. He looked over at Rodney.

'McKay!' He quietly called out.

Rodney just turned away from him as much as the restraints would allow.

'Rodney!' He tried again without much success.

Ronon shook his head. Then it had to be the hard way. He slowly lifted his leg off the bed and sat up. His head was spinning. He had never felt worse in his life. And he knew he should just stay in bed. But he had to talk to McKay. Using different trolleys and cupboards, he stumbled to McKay's bedside. By the time he reached his friend, he felt even worse.

Breathing was hard, his head was pounding. The fever he had been fighting returned in full force and he could see his vision going blurry. But he had made it.

'McKay, you need to hold on.'

Finally Rodney looked at him.

'Ronon, are you ok?' The scientist noticed immediately something was seriously wrong with his friend. He should not be out of bed. Why had he come over?

'Listen to me. I can help. I can train you to resist the urge. Just hold on.' It was getting difficult to talk but Ronon wanted McKay to know there was a way out of this.

'Ronon, I don't ….'

'Give me a change. Promise to wait . . . ' Ronon tried to shake his head but that only increased the pain and fast encroaching dizziness.

Rodney looked at the tall Satedan, slowly losing the battle to stay conscious.

'RONON!' McKay shouted but his friend just collapsed on the floor.

'Jennifer!' Rodney shouted out loud. She came running, immediately noticing the unconscious body on the ground.

'Some help here!'

Assistants came rushing to her and soon Ronon was back in his bed.

As Jennifer assessed him, she was angry with herself for not noticing his true condition earlier. She had been so focused on Rodney, she had let Ronon down.

'Jennifer, how is he doing?' Rodney shouted from his bed. He pulled on his restraints to get free. He felt so helpless.

It took what seemed like forever before she finally walked to him.

'How is he doing?' Rodney asked worried.

'Not good. His body is fighting a serious infection and he has pneumonia. Why did he get out of bed?'

'I ignored him.'

Was there anything he could do right at this moment? First he dropped Ronon and now, because he refused to acknowledge him, he had gotten out of bed and walked to him, just to ask not to give up.

Rodney could not think of a time he had ever felt worse than he did now.

_TBC_


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter 21**

The city lights usually relaxed him, knowing all was well with the world as long as Atlantis was doing fine. But tonight he could not find the peace and comfort he so needed.

He had taken a bottle of beer from his fridge, intent on drinking it and then going to bed. But one beer had not been enough. Now on his sixth, he knew sleep was even further away.

Sheppard could not close his eyes. Each time he tried, all he saw was the blood pouring out of Rodney's leg. He had pushed so hard, he had been afraid he would break the bones. Of course he hadn't. Keller had rushed in, stopped the bleeding – even when only temporary – and got him to surgery in time to save his scientist friend.

For the umpteenth time he looked at his hands. He had washed them over and over again, yet the blood on them did not seem to go away.

He knew it was not real blood. But on the other hand, it was. He had Ronon's blood on his hands for taking off too fast and not making sure his team was safely in the jumper. He had Rodney's blood on his hands – twice. Once for not seeing something was wrong with Rodney and once for not keeping his promise to Ronon and letting Rodney escape again, allowing him to try and take his own life - again.

Sheppard shook his head. He was getting too old for this. Perhaps his days as team leader were over and he should just step aside, put someone else in charge of SGA-1, someone who would not let them down.

The sun was slowly rising when sleep finally overtook him. He curled up on his bed, pulling the covers over him, giving in to tears only his pillow would ever see.

oooOOOooo

He walked into the infirmary, expecting to see Ronon sitting up in his bed, bored to tears, and McKay fast asleep.

It startled him to see the opposite was true.

McKay sat upright in his bed, his hands still tied to the bedframe. He could see his friend was intensely sad and upset. But why was he looking over at Ronon all the time?

Sheppard followed his gaze. Ronon was surrounded by machines. He had been intubated to help with his breathing.

'What happened?' Sheppard rushed to Keller.

She looked exhausted.

'It's like he has given up. He doesn't seem to want to fight the infection. We had to intubate him during the night just to keep him breathing. I've sedated him for the moment, in the hope his body will fight where his mind seems to give up.'

Sheppard was dumbfounded. He had never expected Ronon to give up on anything.

'And McKay?'

'Better. I was just about to give him his breakfast.'

'I'll take it.' Sheppard lifted the tray and walked to Rodney.

'Rodney.' He greeted the man.

'How's Ronon? Jennifer won't tell me.'

Sheppard quickly looked at Ronon and then back to McKay.

'He'll pull through.'

Finally Rodney looked at him.

'You look terrible.' He stated matter of factly.

'Seen yourself lately.' Sheppard countered.

Rodney ignored the question.

'That my breakfast?'

Sheppard put it on the tray next to the bed and readied himself to feed Rodney.

'John, please.' Rodney looked at him pleading.

Sheppard was reluctant to untie the restraints.

'I won't do anything. I promised Ronon and I intent to keep that promise.' Rodney said sincerely, not realising the blow he just gave Sheppard.

Sheppard was only just able to hide the pain from his face. Even Rodney in his current state was doing a better job than he was.

He nodded slowly and untied Rodney's hands.

It lifted Rodney's mood a little and he fell onto his food. Sheppard sat down on the bed, looking over at Ronon and the infirmary staff buzzing around him all the time.

'Why don't you go over?' Rodney asked between bites.

John hesitated, then turned to Rodney.

'Finish your breakfast already so I can take your tray back to the mess.'

It seemed to dawn on Rodney that Sheppard was not his usual self. He pushed the tray to the side and carefully slipped to the side of the bed.

'What are you doing?' Sheppard tried to stop him from getting up.

'Give a man some help.' Rodney got up from the bed, grabbing Sheppard's shoulder to lean on. They stood there for a moment.

'It would be nice if you helped me to walk over to Ronon.' Rodney pushed Sheppard.

'Oh, right.'

Slowly they crossed the small distance between the beds. Once there, Rodney dropped down on the first chair. They both looked at the sleeping Satedan. His chest rose and fell in time with the machine.

'Look. Why don't you go and get some breakfast. I'll sit with him until you get back.' Rodney suggested.

'Just get me another chair to put my leg on.' He ordered Sheppard.

Once Rodney was installed, Sheppard walked out of the infirmary, looking back once more, seeing Rodney talking away quietly.

_TBC_


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Teyla found him sitting alone at a table. Everyone stayed well away from him, his body language enough to steer people to other tables, far away from Sheppard.

'May I?' She inquired quietly.

John looked up and just nodded, turning back to the window, looking out over the water.

Teyla ate her breakfast quietly, realising Sheppard was struggling with something.

'Rodney seems to be doing better.' She stated between bites. Again Sheppard just nodded. He was cradling a cup of coffee that had gone cold by now. Teyla wondered how long he had been sitting there like that. She decided it had been long enough.

'John, is something the matter?'

Slowly he turned to face her. He put his cup down.

'Teyla, you are always honest with me.'

Teyla looked surprised.

'Yes, I do believe so.'

'I let the team down. I think it's time for me to step down as leader of this team and just stay here.'

Teyla remained quiet for a moment.

'What makes you think this? You are a very good leader. Why would you not want to lead any longer?'

'I let people down. I didn't keep my promise to Ronon and it nearly got Rodney killed. Perhaps I'm getting too old for this.'

He turned back to the window.

Teyla reached over and took his hand. Slowly John looked at her.

'The burden a leader carries is never too heavy. If your shoulders could not carry the weight, you would never have become a leader in the first place. Your decisions, your leadership has saved the team, the city and the people of many planets. You have carried us through all the pain, hardship, trouble, fights. And for those moments where you doubt your own actions, we are here to carry you, to support you. You are never alone.'

Her faith in him touched him deeply.

'So, no resignation.' John smiled shyly.

'No, Colonel. Atlantis is not ready for you to leave.'

They sat quietly for a moment longer, not wanting to break the special moment. Teyla could see the healing in his eyes, the focus returning.

'Thanks. Felt a bit sorry for myself there.'

'It's an ok place to visit but not for long.' Teyla smiled.

'Gonna get myself a fresh cup of coffee. Can I get you anything?' He got up from his chair.

'No thank you. I am fine.'

He soon returned to the table with not only coffee but a full breakfast, which he ate while going over some of the more recent gossip with Teyla.

oooOOOooo

Rodney was worried. He had been watching Ronon, quietly talking to him in the hope he would wake up soon. But his body seemed to be growing weaker all the time. Yet at the same time his eyes were constantly moving under his eyelids, as if he were awake, just not opening his eyes. What if Ronon didn't make it? He had assured Rodney he could help him. But if he didn't survive, there was no one who could save him from this agony. And he knew it sounded selfish, even to his own ears. But it wasn't. Rodney really and truly wanted Ronon to get better, for all of them. They had lost one team member already when Ford had changed. He did not want Ronon to die. He was the perfect match for their foursome.

Even as he sat next to the big man, he had to urge to cut himself, simply because of the deep friendship he felt for the Satedan.

'Please, Ronon. Wake up.' He pleaded once more.

oooOOOooo

'Ronon.' The voice simply stated his name. It sounded familiar but he could not immediately place it. Where did he know that voice from?

'Ronon, open your eyes.' The voice instructed him.

Easy for you to say, mate, you are not the one in bed with serious injuries and on top of that fighting of an infection and pneumonia.

'Ronon, trust me.' It was strange but Ronon did feel he could trust the voice. So finally he opened his eyes.

'OK, not what I expected.' He slowly turned around to observe his surroundings. But there was nothing, except the light he was standing in. He decided to wait for the voice to make a move.

He didn't have to wait long. A tall man joined him in the light.

'Hello, Ronon.'

Ronon cocked his head. He knew he should know the man in front of him and yet still it eluded him. Who was he?

'Don't you remember your father?' the man in front asked.

Ronon looked doubtful. His father had been killed when he was still a boy. But surely he would remember him better. And this man did not resemble his father.

'Perhaps you remember me better in this form.' The face on the man in front of him changed to the familiar features. He recognised his own reflection.

'Dad?'

'Yes, my son. I'm sure you have a lot of questions.'

'Am I dead?'

The man smiled.

'That would be one of them.'

Suddenly the surroundings changed. They were standing in the infirmary, next to the bed his body was still lying on, Rodney keeping vigil.

'You are not yet dead. But your body is very weak.'

'Are you an ancient?' Ronon asked.

'That would be the other question.'

The room faded again and they returned to the light.

'When I saw your mother, I fell in love. I had ascended but found a way to come to her.'

'Like Sheppard's girl.'

'Yes, kind of. I wanted to stay with you and your mother but the others found me and recalled me.'

'Wait, if I'm a descendant of an ancient, why don't I have this ATA gene? '

'Because I had already ascended. I didn't have a real body. To be honest, I didn't think I could father a child. Until there was you.'

'So, what do you want from me now?' Ronon was getting impatient. He did not understand why this man had come to see him now. He had to concentrate on getting better and then helping Rodney. He had promised.

'I have come to help you ascend.' His father simply stated.

'I'm not ready to die. What if I don't want to ascend? It's not like you ancients, Lanteans were all that great and good and clever. The times Rodney has had to save us from one of your cockups I can't count any more, starting with the Wraith. I don't particularly want to be part of your little club.'

Ronon was annoyed.

'You have no choice.' His father's voice boomed all around him. Ronon took a step back but his father grabbed him.

'No!' Ronon screamed, pushing his father away, trying to escape the strong hold he had on his arms. He could feel his life slipping through his fingers. But he also felt the power behind it all. With one thought he was back in the infirmary. But what could he do there? Alarms were going off, his body convulsing, Jennifer and her team trying everything to stabilize him again. Rodney was holding his hand.

McKay, McKay had to help him!

Pulling hard, he was able to free one hand from his father's grasp. Making a half turn, he reached out for Rodney and grabbed his hand.

In the infirmary, Rodney suddenly felt Ronon's hand squeeze him hard.

'Ronon?' McKay hoped he would wake up.

'Rodney, get out of the way, now.' Jennifer tried to push him away.

'I can't, he's . . . . '

Suddenly Rodney slumped over Ronon's body.

'Rodney?' But Keller got no response.

For a moment they all just stared at Ronon, now quietly asleep again, and Rodney half draped over his friend's body.

Sheppard and Teyla walked in on this unusual sight.

'Crap.' Immediately he knew something was wrong.

_TBC_


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter 23**

'What happened?' Sheppard rushed to the bed.

'That's what we are trying to figure out as well.' Keller said tensely.

'Well, get Rodney of Ronon for starters.' Sheppard still yelled.

'What do you think we are trying to do?' Jennifer shouted back.

Keller and her team carefully lifted Rodney off Ronon's torso. But when they tried to take him to his own bed, they found their hands tightly clasped together. No effort could separate the hands.

'Let me try.' Sheppard pushed Keller out of the way. Pulling one finger at a time, he tried to release the firm grip Ronon was obviously holding onto Rodney's hand. It felt almost desperate. No amount of effort made any difference.

'John, perhaps we should not try to separate them.' Teyla quietly drew his attention.

'And what good would that do?' John was not convinced.

'Doctor, what happened that lead to this?'

Jennifer collected her thoughts.

'Rodney was sitting next to Ronon. Suddenly he started convulsing. For a moment we thought he would wake up but instead just grabbed Rodney's hand. Rodney started to say something and then just collapsed.'

Sheppard and Jennifer looked at Teyla.

'I have heard of something similar. One on the brink of death, needing the other to survive. Are either of them in danger at this moment?'

Keller quickly checked Ronon and Rodney.

'Not for the moment.'

'Then may I suggest we wait.'

There was one thing Sheppard was not good at: waiting. Jennifer felt torn as well. But she had learned in this galaxy things were not always what it seemed, and certainly not always like home.

She made arrangements to put a bed next to Ronon's so McKay could be put on it. Several machines monitored both men. Teyla and Sheppard took some chairs and sat down. The waiting game started.

oooOOOooo

'. . . holding my hand.' Rodney finished his sentence.

'What have you done!' The man in front of Ronon shouted.

'I told you I don't want to die.' Ronon returned venomously.

'Ronon?' Rodney tried to get his attention, only then noticing the fierce grip Ronon held on his hand. Was this what had pulled him to this scene?

Ronon, finally freed from his father, turned to McKay.

'McKay, my father. Dad, Dr. Rodney McKay.' He introduced them.

'Father?' McKay mouthed to Ronon.

'We know Dr. McKay. We are keeping an eye on him.'

'Someone care to enlighten me?' Rodney tried to disarm the obviously explosive situation.

'He wants me to ascend.' Ronon sounded disgusted.

'Oh no, no, no. We need Ronon. I need Ronon.' Mckay complained.

'I know he has promised to help you, Dr. McKay. Ronon can cure you easily.'

'No, no. Why does everyone always think I only think of me? We still need Ronon. He's a very important member of our team. And ….' Rodney hesitated.

'He's my friend. I dropped him. He saved me from the spear. It's not fair he should die because of me.' Rodney finished.

The silence nearly overwhelmed him. Ronon was stunned at Rodney's admission.

'Rodney, I pulled away from you. You would have fallen out if I hadn't.'

'Oh, so you saved me again. I've lost count now of how many times you have saved me.'

'Who's counting? That's what you do for friends.' Ronon simply stated.

'All very nice and well. But Ronon is dieing. I need to take him.'

'No, I don't want to!' Ronon shouted again.

'McKay, can't you do anything?'

'Like what?' Rodney asked.

'You can give up your life for him.' The man in front stated matter of factly.

'No.' Ronon reacted immediately.

Rodney was silent. Either live with the urge to cut for the rest of his life, without his friend to help him or die and make sure said friend could continue to help others.

'OK.' Rodney simply said.

Ronon turned towards him.

'McKay, don't be stupid. You can't do that.'

'Ronon, I can't keep living like this. You know it. And you can help so many still. I'll gladly give my life for him.' Rodney addressed the man in front of him.

'Good. Let go of his hand.' He instructed Rodney.

But Ronon did not let go.

'You can't take him.' Ronon resisted. He felt the urge to hit out, to scream and fight.

But instead of being able to do anything, his body started to light up. He felt the energy inside him grow. He was lifted up in the air.

'Ronon!' Rodney yelled over the noise being generated.

'Ronon, settle down.' His father reprimanded.

'I remember now, Dad, how you always taught me to channel my anger in my fighting. One day when I was little, I let it overtake me and I lit up, just like now. What happens then, Dad? Am I too strong for you? Can't you take me with you when I'm filled with energy like this?'

Ronon knew he was right. His body in the infirmary might not be doing too well but in this plane of existence, he was very strong. And he would use that strength now to heal his body as well.

'Son, please. I only want what is best for you.' His father pleaded.

'Then go and leave us alone. When it is my time to go, I will know what to do.' Ronon's thundering voice nearly scared Rodney. Being linked to his friend, he could feel the energy and strength.

And then his father was gone. They were alone, bathing in the light. Slowly Ronon descended. He was still illuminated when he turned to Rodney.

'Give me your other hand.' Rodney only hesitated for a second.

Ronon closed his eyes.

'Once, when you were going to ascend, you healed my scars. Now I have healed yours.'

Rodney was speechless. And then all went dark.

oooOOOooo

It seemed like ages, this waiting. Sheppard had walked around the infirmary for the umpteenth time, when suddenly Ronon's body started to light up. Then the light extended to Rodney. It stayed there for a while and then slowly retreated to Ronon.

As soon as the light left Rodney, Ronon let go of his hand. Immediately Jennifer checked him over but all seemed to be ok. Actually, better than ok. All his cuts had somehow healed.

They rolled his bed a bit further away from Ronon now. Was something or someone healing Ronon in the same way?

'Ronon?' Rodney whispered his name.

'Rodney. Are you ok?' Sheppard helped him sit up.

He seemed dazed and unfocused. But not for long.

'How is Ronon doing?' He stared at his friend.

'You tell us. Rodney, what is going on?' Sheppard wanted to know.

'He's healing himself.' Rodney just stated.

Suddenly Rodney jumped off the bed and ran to Ronon.

'You can do this. Come on!' he shouted.

Finally the light seemed to fade away. Everyone was holding their breath, looking at the still body on the bed.

Ronon started coughing, annoyed with the tube in his throat which had helped him to breath.

Jennifer quickly extracted the tube.

Soon Ronon opened his eyes and looked around the bed. He saw the relief in all the faces and smiled. Then he closed his eyes again and went to sleep. He was exhausted.

oooOOOooo

The next day, Ronon finally woke up. Rodney, Sheppard and Teyla were sitting around his bed, eating, sleeping, reading. But they all got up as soon as they noticed he was awake.

'Hey Buddy. Feeling better?' Sheppard asked.

Ronon hesitated.

'Yes, better.'

'Looks like most of your wounds have healed nicely, the doc says. What happened?'

'Most? Not all?'

'Well, let's say you'll need a couple of weeks to find your strength again.' Sheppard explained.

'Yeah, ran out of energy in the end.'

Sheppard and Teyla looked confused. Ronon noticed.

'McKay not tell you anything?'

Sheppard and Teyla looked at McKay.

'I didn't yet. Thought it would be better coming from you, the whole father / son thing.'

Now Teyla and Sheppard were even more curious. Rodney had refused to tell them what had happened during those hours he had been linked to Ronon. But now they wanted to know.

Ronon smiled a little and closed his eyes again.

'Tired. Gonna go to sleep a little.' He teased.

'Oh no! You can't leave it at that!' Sheppard nearly shouted.

Smiling, Ronon opened his eyes to look at Rodney and then back to Teyla and Sheppard.

'Dad's an Ancient. Rodney can tell you all about it. Now let me sleep.'

'Rodney!'

Rodney was quickly walking out of the infirmary, intent on getting something to eat now that Ronon would be ok.

Teyla and Sheppard followed him quickly.

As Ronon saw them all leave, sure Rodney would tell the story a lot better than he ever could, he noticed someone standing next to his bed.

'Dad.' He simply said.

'Ronon. I'm glad you made it through. Just know I'll always be there for you.'

Ronon nodded and the shape of his father disappeared as if he had never been there. He had a lot of thinking to do. What other powers did he have that he was not aware of?

Something to think about. But not now. First get stronger. He was just glad he was going to find out with his team, all of them: Sheppard as leader, Rodney for brains, Teyla for strength and compassion and him.

**THE END**

**oooOOOooo**

**That's it. I hope you all enjoyed it. Surely took me on a trip I did not expect. Reviews are very welcome!**


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